When The Last Thing You Want To Do Is Submit--a success story

Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:20 am Post subject: Contemplating on posting this

Yes, I have gone back and forth on posting this or not. So obviously I decided to post it. I am not seeking advice, I got that already. If you don't agree with anything I am saying that is fine, I am not looking for a debate on anything I am going to say. For those who are unaware, my Dom and my husband are the same person.

Let me say this, thanks to both Ros and Denise, you have been so great in getting me through this, you have no idea how greatful I am for you both. Submission is not always easy. Ok the situation is this: My brother in law got married tonight. First, who the heck gets married on a weeknight, honestly. There are solid reasons for how I felt about tonights festivities that 1) I have no intention of going into, and 2) I am forbidden to go into, so details will not be forth coming. Anyway, I knew about the wedding months ago. I told my Dom I was not going. I had no intentions of going. I my heart of hearts this wedding/marriage is wrong on so many levels and for so many reasons. I disagree with this wedding taking place and there is no way I am going to lend agreement with it by showing up. He knows exactly how I feel about my brother in law. You see my brother in law is his fraternal twin. They are so opposite in stature, facial features, attitudes, personality, capabilities, and every other aspect, you wouldn't think they were related let alone twins.

Anyway, so I am going along, content that my Dom knows EXACTLY how I feel about my brother in law. There has never been any doubt in his mind about. I was quite happy that I was not going to this wedding. My Dom said nothing for months then suddenly last week he began reminding of the wedding. I thought nothing about it, because in my mind I was not going. Now my Dom was the best man, I am so not in tune with things right now, I am thinking he is reminding me, that he will be gone most of the evening for the wedding. Right

Let me state this. I am who I am. I am the way I am regardless if it is his family or mine. Example: when I was a child my oldest brother got married to a woman I couldn't stand but was too young to understand the feelings. So 20 years later she divorces him, I think finally, she is out. Oh no, 18mths later, I get a wedding invitation they are getting remarried. I thought WTH!!! I called my parents and told them no way in the world was I going to attend that wedding. I disagreed with that wedding on some levels for so many reasons and I was going to lend agreement to it by attending. My mom was not happy but I was an adult, married with three kids, she could not force me to attend the wedding I deep within my heart was a wrong. So no, I did not go. My husband tried to talk me into it, but since at the time we were not in a DD or D/s I put my foot down, and said he could drive 12 hrs to a wedding that was a sham if he wanted to, but me and my kids were not going. So none us of went. I felt about the wedding tonight the way I felt about my brothers wedding then. BTW, after they got remarried, they divorced again 6mths later. WHAT!!! I told everyone they were going to divorce again and that was one (not the main) reason I was not going, it would be a waste of time.

Then Sunday night rolls around. I called my mother in law for something. She starts in about some programs I asked what programs, she says for the wedding. I said oh. She says are you coming, I started to say no, but before I coud she says there is excuse not to go. I thought to myself oh yes there is, I could list off at least a dozen why this wedding should not take place. So I asked what time was the wedding, no, I had no idea what time the wedding was because I had not planned on going. We hang up.

I walk into my bedroom and tell my Dom about the conversation. Then it happened. He was lying on the bed all comfortable. I saw him adjust himself to a sitting position, he body stiffened, his head went high, he face grew stern, and his voice low, calm, and very stern. He said "your husband is going and so are you." Then he went back to relaxing, watching tv, and generally chit chatting with me. I thought what the heck just happened, did he just order me to this wedding?

I said, no (I never say no unless it is in response to a question and the answer is no) I don't plan on going. I said, I didn't go to my own brothers wedding because of how I felt about it. I said, you know how I feel about him and this wedding. He didn't move an inch or bat an eye, he just stared at me for a brief few seconds (less than 10) and didn't mumble a single word. I knew then this was not up for debate. He didn't want to hear my arguements. He had made his decision and I was going to this wedding. I closed my mouth, lowered my eyes, and bowed my head, my physical of show submission. I was stuck going to something, in my heart of hearts, I didn't want to attend. I knew what was expected of me. Nothing short of my best behavior and an attitude of submission and I would show up for that wedding and help my mother in law in anyway I could. Plus, she had better not have to ask me for help.

This was very hard for me. Submission is well and good when it is easy and it is something I enjoy doing. Submision is well and good when it is easy and it is something I don't mind doing, even if I don't enjoy it. Submission is hard when it is something, I don't want to do, or something I find unpleasant. That is the test of my submission to him. That is how we judge how submissive I am and if I am truly his submissive.

So I prayed for my ability to submit to him in this and to be obedient in that I know he will expect from me. I went to the wedding for him and my now sister in law. I put a smile on my face. I did everything I could to make sure I was not the person who messed up her wedding. I found my mother in law afterwards and asked her what she needed help with. I did my part during the reception by serving and cleaning up and corralling kids.

I still feel the same about the wedding. But I was successful in submitting and obeying. He was very proud of me. He asked me while I was serving how I was doing. I said fine. He said ok, just checking on you. He smiled at me and went to mingle. My mother in law gave me a kiss on the cheek and said thanks for helping. My reward was two fold, my Dom was pleased and my mother in law was too. She is a very hard woman to please.

I know it is long and sorry. I know there are a lot out there who wont get this or understand or agree with it, and that is ok. I have said all along what we do is not for everyone, but it works for us. I can't just submit when I want to and don't when it doesn't suit me. I gave up that right last year when we began this journey. I am his. I belong to him. I have only the rights he gives me. Acts of submission are required and this one was big one and I passed with flying colors. His smile at me tonight was the greatest thing and I am happy I was able to please him in this.