Saturday, March 1, 2008


We are a Christian married couple. We practice our beliefs daily. We believe in the One God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I will not debate the validity of our beliefs so if you are wanting to debate them, forget it. We have always had a good marriage but now we have a better one. One that is in line with the teachings of our beliefs. Those beliefs state the man is the head of the house. He is responsible for taking care of the needs of those that live there in. The woman is not less than him, but that she is his helpmate. She takes care of the needs within the home. No, I am not a stay at home wife.

I do work outside the home and always have. We actually make the same salary, but he has final say on how our income is used. He has a seperate account that is his and his only as do I. Then we have a joint account that all the bills are paid of out and a joint savings that we both have access to, but again how that money is spent is his final choice. We do discuss things, in fact I discuss them to death, but always will yield to his desicion. I don't always agree with him, and I am not required to agree with him, but I am required to submit. I don't always do it with grace but I do submit.

He doesn't require me to submit gracefully, but he does require absolute submission at all times. He doesn't require that I be in a submissive mind, but again I must physically submit even if my mind and heart are not there. He knows that the physical act of submitting and time will get me to what we call my "headspace." No, I am not a doormat. I am my own person, I have my own thoughts, and desires, and needs, and wants, and wishes, and he fulfills them to the best of his abilities. I can speak my mind and more often than not, do speak my mind, but I try to do it with respect. He didn't marry a quiet little church mouse, and has on more than one occassion told me he doesn't want one. He likes and enjoys my mouth, as long as it is not mouthy, rude, disrespectful, or full of gossip. He likes to bounce ideas off of me, it gives him a different perspective on things.

I'll write more later. I could go on and on about US, but this post would never end.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

To Be Loved

Today is Christmas. Right now is Christmas Night and it 15 minutes to 12. I have had a great Christmas. Oh sure I got some wonderful gifts from the most important man in my life. But the greatest gift is that he stood up for me today.

His mom, a wonderful person truly she is. But she is judgemental, and Earth forbid someone tell her that. But anyway, my Dominant and I have been married for 11 years and honestly, she has never approved of what I wear or how I comb my hair or anything as a matter of fact. I know this and so does he. She doesn't approve of how we raise our children or how we dress them or the church we attend or how I keep house and the list goes on and on and on.

My Dominant likes me in close fitting jeans, high heeled boots, and wigs. So for Christmas he bought me a new wig that has very light highlights to it. The wig is dark brown with some very light brownish streaks in it and it is cut into a bob that is short in the back and curves around my face and has long bangs. Anyway, he liked it when he saw it and bought for me. I opened it up this morning and loved it. I opened my boots this morning and they are patented lather and shiny black and has at least 4 inch heels. I put on a dark purple long sleeved buttoned down dress shirt and low rise boot cut stone washed denim jeans. He thought I looked great and I felt great.

So we get to his mom's and the first thing she says is girl, you know you have too much booty for those jeans. No, she didn't say hi or Merry Christmas or anything, what does she say, my pants are too tight. Then she says she doesn't like my hair (wig). Then she says the boots I have on are not good to wear because they are too high and can cause medical problems and on and on and on. I just let her finish and then politely excuse myself from the room and go sit down and talk to others in the house. By the way, she said all of this in the presence of others in the house. It is like she feels just because she is the Matriach of her family she can say whatever she wants to say in the manner she wants to say in the presence of whomever she wants to. I was not rude or disrespectful or anything. I would never be disrecptful to her because she is an elderly person (60yrs old), she is my Dominant's mother, she is my mother in law, and the Grandmother of my children. But damn, can't I just walk into her house for once in my life and just have her say, hi. Damn.

So later in the afternoon she corners my Dominant (her son of course) and goes on with him about me. He promptly tells her Momma 1) she is my wife and she wears what I like to see her wear. She dresses to please me and no one else. 2) I bought that wig for her because I liked it. She also likes it and we are the only two that matter. 3) I bought those boots because she liked them and I like her in heels and that is all that matter. 4) If you don't like what she wears that is ok, because she is my wife and I like it.

Earlier, I was fixing the kids plate. I always allow my kids to tell me what they want to eat. It is how we do things in our house. But, no she insisted that I just fix their plates and if they don't eat they can talk to her. I looked at my Dominant he just slightly shook his head and I obeyed because he said to, and he just wanted it to be a nice day. It took a lot for me not to tell the whole house those are my kids and if I want them to say what they want then those are my kids. But that would have just set off something else and he wanted to avoid that, so I bit my tongue and put just the basic food on the kids plate. Then subject came up of fixing the men's plates. Well, I have always made His plate and since we began this journey I have found a new drive in servicng Him and new pleasure and a renewed joy in serving Him. So I heard him say, the Tori will fix my plate. I didn't think anything about it really, just rolled my eyes in my head and just took a deep breath (not at Him or what He said, because I will/did fix his plate but at the whole reason behind the comment in the first place). Anyway, I continued to fix his plate and then someone said (it was either his brother or his mother) said yep, she will do it, he has her well trained. I just cringed in my head and soul at that comment, not becasue it was true but because it was said out of being mean, nasty, and sarcastic. I thought He was going to say, yes I do. But to my hearts content He said, no that is not why she does it, she does it out of love. My heart got lighter, I felt this smile come across my face, and I felt incredibly loved and cherished.

So all in all the day was great for me. I have felt loved, cherished, and protected. I love this man of mine and I know he loves me.

Merry Christmas

Tori sub to BigDaddy.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

His Dominance

Yes, you read that correctly. He is the Dominant in our relationship. Why? I have stated that before, it is what we feel, think and believe is His role in our we as designed by God. Has He always been dominant? Yes, He has always had a very dominant side to His natural personality. He has this spark or fire within that at the beginning of our marriage kept me on my toes. It made me think, this Man is no joke, if I mess up what will happen? Shudder. So, I didn't mess up. I kept the house spotless and He always had a hot meal ready for when He got home.

Then slowly over the years for too many reasons to go into now, I began to realize that something changed in our dynamic. I began to test the waters and see just how much I could get away with. I started staying away from home. Oh, I didn't hang out at bars or anything, no I neglected the gift of my Husband for hanging out with my church sisters. There is absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with your girls, until hanging out with the girls become your number one goal. But, every so often He would complain about my not being at home and of course I would change my behavior briefly just to appease Him. But there was no true change, no true desire to put Him first as He should and had a right to be.

My man is by nature also very gentle, patient, quiet, reserved, intelligent, caring, nurturing, kind, understanding, peaceful, slow to anger, and loving. He doesn't have a mean streak or hateful bone in his body. Now because of this, most people think he is unassuming, a far cry from the truth. He is modest but he is very assured of his work and himself. He knows who he is and is comfortable with himself and his knowledge. Some people will bypass him, again thinking he is not worth their time. They soon find themselves wrong.

He has this air about him that lets people know just how far to go. The problem is that those who don't know him, will go past that point because they are not paying attention to the set of his jaw, his posture, or tone of voice. Then when he has reached his point he will cut the conversation off and walk away. If they continue to push he will politely and quietly tell them enough and walk off. If they insist on pursuing it he will then tell them all the things they didn't want to know but would let it go.

So what does this have to do with me and our relationship, everything. I have on one occasssion too many pushed past the point of no return. I quickly realized the error of my ways. But not always the way I expected or wanted. But in our relationship, the choice of how to express or excercise his dominance is his and his alone. He shows his dominance in many ways to include giving orders to sexual dominance, to spankings, butt plug, nipple clamps, grounding, restriction, lines, and anything else he decides. He has certain expectations of me and fully expects me to live within those expectations. If I fail to live upto what he demands without his prior knowledge or at least a valid reason then he will exercise his right to correct that failure. The flip side of all that is a very positive side to him. He never fails to praise me when I have met or exceeded his desires. When he knows he has given me a difficult task and I succeed in that tasks he gives all the praise and extra priviledges. He shows me with love and compassion and understanding. He is stern yes, his punishments can be harsh yes, but his love for me is the most powerful aspect of his dominance.

He has never with held his love from me. Even when I have earned his wrath after I have suffered his punishment and thanked him for the discipline, he opens his arms to me and will let me cry out my pain and anguish. He comforts me and forgives me instantly after his chastisment and lets me know I am once again his good girl. He lets me know that no matter how angry he maybe at me, nothing I can do or say will ever stop or diminish his love for me. One of the ways he shows this is by making love to me after the punishment. Yes, it is a bit painful on the bottom etc, but it serves too purposes, 1) is that is futher drives home that I am his, I am owned by him, I as his to do with as he pleases, and nothing less than my full submission is acceptable, and 2) the most important reason is that he still loves me in the most intimate of ways--and that is between a husband and wife (not dominant and submissive). Through the snot and tears and swollen butt and breast he still finds me the most attractive thing on the face of the planet and he show me that all the time, especially after a rough spanking.

His dominance is hard to explain but it is always there. I can feel him when he walks into a room. There is something that changes in the air when comes into room. There is something I can't put into words that alerts me to his presence. I can't shake feeling him in a room I am already in and not look around to find him, and certainly I spy him.

Anyway, the changes that took place in me are now being reversed. I now take into account his needs as I once did. I try to be considerate of his needs, feelings, wants, and desires. I try to be polite, respectful, obedient, honest, because these are the things he is now demanding I be, things I once was and he wants back. I let him know of where abouts so as not to worry him. I wear what he chooses for me to wear and that includes my under things. Knowing my clothes and my intimates are what he desired me to wear that day keeps me in constant contact with the idea of who I belong too and just how much power he has over me. Knowing when in the bathroom he knows what is closest to my skin keeps me submissive in heart and thought. Knowing the dress and pumps I have on keeps my mind aware to be a lady which is what he expects me to be. Knowing my hair is like he wants it again reminds me that every aspect of me belongs to him and that I have willingly given all that I am to him.

The total power exchange that we have gone through was not easy. There were and still are some days and points and times that I struggle with him and with myself over things that we have settled. The exchange tho complete is still on going. Somethings that I struggle over are letting him know my whereabouts, not spending money out our joint account or my personal savings account without permission, not always getting approval on the underwear thing. Just because he doesn't always immediately do something about my slipping doesn't mean he has not noticed. He does notice but he will sometimes give me time to correct the behavior on my own and sometimes he goes for the restrictions or grounding instead of the spanking, it just depends on what he feels is best to deal with me. Part of this power exchange as given him an awareness of me that is sometimes scarry. I mean he can tell when something is bothering me, or when I need to discuss something, or when I am in a pondering mood. He will ask how am I doing. I say fine why. He says, you look (or sound or act) like something is bothering you or that there is something I need to talk about. He is right of course but he will give me time to gather my thoughts and to process my mood and feeling and emotions and then to approach him when I am ready. Sometimes, it can be days or evern weeks before I can get things in my head and he graciously gives me all the time I need. So long as I don't blow up at him or the kids before I talk with him, however, if I do blow up then he will sit me down and make me tell him what is going on. I then am faced with telling him what is going on in my head, and things get all jumbled up, and I end up raising my voice to him and he promptly stops me. He will ask, why am I yelling at him. I apologize but have earned a punishment for raising my voice to him, for blowing up at him and the kids, for not telling him what was wrong before I lost it. This is all part of him and his dominance, he can read my very moods, my tone of voice, my body language although not my mind (lucky me) but that doesn't matter because I am required to confess things to him anyway.

I have always loved him. I have always needed him (would never admit that before we began this journey). I have always respected him (never showed it too much). I have always wanted to be with and near him. Just now, traveling down this journey together I now have no fear in showing him or others just how much he means to me. The one thing that has brought all this out again is his stepping back into his role as Head of House and his natural state of Dominance. Yes, his dominance is a force to be reckoned with and I have on occassion done some reckoning with that force and there is no doubt I will meet that dominant force again. Lord I hope so.