Collared and Cuffed

Having desired to be collared and cuffed for sometime now, I finally got up the nerve to approach my Spouse. Our relationship has taken many turns over the last 11 yrs until we are at this point. Although first and foremost He is my Spouse, He has now officially become my Dom and yes, we still have a marriage, but now it has expanded into ways and areas that can’t be fully explained unless you have gone through the transformation. I think He has agreed and readily accepts my being collared because now my mindset, headspace, heart, attitude, behavior, soul, and body are in the place of submission (not perfect) but willingly given and graciously accepted. The power exchange not absolutely complete but no longer in a state of rebellion.

So I researched and looked for pieces. I came across the link for Arabesque from another site. I first looked at it because it “specified” non-piercing jewelry. You can get the look without the pain. I showed the site to my Dom, He loved many of the pieces. But I really wanted something different and unique. Not just a day collar but something that could be dressed up for church, a formal, a night on the town, and work. But on the flip side needed something that could work with jean day on Friday at work or a stroll through the local mall. I am not into chains or link type jewelry but the site has some very nice pieces. So I did (my Dom) designed a piece but for a few reasons it just isn’t feasible at this time. However, greatly disappointed in that, but Master Bud and debadbunny sent me pics of two pieces they had in house. The one was stunning but the other floored me. I mean it was similar in design to my custom pieces and looked perfect for my needs.

I showed the two pics to my Dom without telling Him my preference. It was with great relief when He asked which one I liked the most. I selected the one shown here. I contacted Master Bud and debadbunny and began making arrangements for the pieces to be prepared and shipped and all that entails. We my Dom and I actually went in ½ for the expense because I was actually the one that requested to be collared and cuffed beyond our wedding rings. He said but since He agreed to the collaring and cuffing that I could take part out of the household account and I did. Anyway, everything seemed to just fall into place from the expense (well worth it and beyond) to the shipping to the arrival which in fact was several days earlier than I had anticipated. He was off work the day the package arrived and called me to let know it was there. I asked if He had opened it to look at them and He said. I asked why? He said these are for you and it is your place to open them and to see them first. I almost cried over the phone.

So I got off work early and called Him to tell Him so. I get home say my hello’s and look for the package that He had placed on the kitchen table. I gently opened the package and pulled the letter from it and read it to myself and then aloud to Him. I pulled out the other inserts and browsed through them and waited for Him to finish His home improvement project. Finally, He stopped and looked at me; I then opened the shimmering shiny silver box that was so nicely bound by a thin stretchy silver band tied to a sweet innocent bow. I removed the top layer of cottony material used to protect the pieces, and instantly my mouth flew opened when I first glanced at the cuffs. I was stunned into silence by sheer brilliance and “glow” of the two pieces and the connecting chain. My Dom said well, I looked up at Him and tipped the box forward for Him to look down and He said WOW, those are very pretty. Too shiny, makes you want to keep them there (in the box) forever, I said yes Big Daddy, I know. So I gently laid them aside on the couch beside me and then removed the second layer of protection and saw the collar and had to do all I could to keep from crying. I was so overwhelmed at the workmanship and obvious care that it took to hand create something so absolutely gorgeous. Something that some stranger picked from a “line up” and could wear, no would wear with gratitude for her Dom allowing her to select the pieces that would represent their relationship to no one else but the two of them. To the outside world they are just beautiful jewelry. But to us they represent the world we have chosen to live in, the lifestyle we have evolved into, and comfort that we gain from our new found and deeper trust, love, understanding, passion, and wonder that anything could be as fulfilling as D/s.

So we had planned the collaring and cuffing for Saturday night 3/24/2007 but that didn’t happen, simply because well, adult life got in the way. So we agreed on Sunday night 3/25/2007. There was no big ceremony or anything. In fact we didn’t have even just something between the two of us. He simply stated, I thought you wanted to get collared tonight. I said yes I did Big Daddy. He said, then let’s do it. I got up and got the box and handed it to Him. We sat there a few moments admiring the workmanship again and He got the pliers and put on the collar fastened the semi-permanent link and it was done. I got overwhelmed again emotionally because of the sheer magnitude of what just happened but also by the beauty of the piece and the care that went into selecting something that was so me without even really knowing me. Master Bud and debadbunny did an excellent job in choosing a piece that so fit me not just my physical dimension but my personal ones as well. Then my Dom took one cuff and put it on and then other and fastened it as well. I just sat there from the magnitude and finality of the “event”. I was always His and His alone. We have been married for 10yrs but now, to be collared to have an item that represents His “ownership” something that He and He alone can remove it amazing. It puts one in a whole new mindset. I of course don’t remove my wedding rings (although I can) but I can’t remove the collar and yes I can remove the cuffs I won’t. I have been cuffed and collared since 3/25/2007 and would not change it for the world. I have the most exquisite pieces around my neck and wrists I can’t imagine going anywhere else for my intimate pieces knowing the care, quality, and workmanship that goes it the design and selections available. There is something for everyone who has a mind to find something that simply speaks you. Thank you to my Dom for your graciousness and to both Master Bud and debadbunny for helping me, we make a desire come true. You made it happen with grace and style. Again, I thank you.

Relinquishing Control

Wow, talking about a power exchange. This is a hard for me. I am the ultimate control freak. I mean really and honestly. I will fight to be in control, but with our new dynamic I am being taught to give up all control. Again, I am not a doormat or a slave, but I am His helpmate and He mine.

At the beginning of our marriage, He took precedence with me above all else, not to the mutual exclusion of everything. Then over the years, feeling the need to make sure I was just as important as He, I began to wrestle some, no most, no in reality all that I had so willingly given Him before without thought or hesitation away from Him. Why, because I felt and imagined there to be some inequities in our relationship. Real or not, they were my perception of how things were going and that made them real enough for and to me. So, how did I get there from where I was? His family. I felt since we had moved to His home town, and I knew absolutely NO ONE, I had to show everyone, that I was in command of my home. Stupid, I know. He always gave me free reign as long as I didn’t step over our preset boundaries that we had agreed upon the day we married. You, know the day we said I do. You know those wedding vows.

I am the one that lost sight of them. I am the one that let my insecurities run away with me and almost messed up the best thing to happen to me since the Salvation of my soul. He continued to not only tell me but to show me He loved me. He never stopped expressing that I was the most important thing in His world, and what the outside world thought or felt, didn’t amount to a hill of beans. He always said “Babe, what my mom and sister think don’t matter. What my brothers feel doesn’t matter. So forget about what they are saying. I love you and always have and always will. As long as you keep me happy that is all that matters.” The problem is, is that I knew deep in my heart He wasn’t as happy as I knew He use to be. And it was my entire fault. OK, yes, He could have at anytime said, “Babe, you are going too far and you doing too much and you are saying too much.” Oh, wait He did say all those things. I would change for a little while just to appease Him, but there was no real change and eventually, I would slip back into my old new role, of Master Of My Family. So, what has made the change?

Discipline. Yes, I said Discipline. No, I am not crazy or insane. I thought about, what for years I was missing and wanting and deeply desiring. Then it hit me like a ton of stupid rocks. Every aspect of my life had accountability, enforced accountability. Everything but my marriage. Oh, sure I had my vows, but I needed those to be enforced. Love-not a problem. Honor-not too big an issue. Respect-not an issue. Obey-now there is the problem. I have always loved Him and respected Him and occasionally honored Him. But obey, what obey, I haven’t obeyed anyone since I moved from my parent’s home. But that is not true is it. I obey the laws of the land. I obey the laws that govern my religion. I obey the laws at work. I obey the laws of our church. Shoot, I even obey mostly obey the laws of my healthy eating life style. You see, I can obey, but there was just nothing at home. So, I researched and found amazing things on the internet about Discipline and set my mind to present this to Him. I did it. I got the nerve up and showed Him what I had been researching for quite sometime and reading and thinking about. He thought about it too and agreed to give it a try. We have tried it and it works for us, it works.

So, what am I talking about? I am talking about His using various methods of discipline on me to more or less keep me in check. I am talking about Him limiting the nights I can be away from home. I am talking about Him restricting the amount of time I can spend on the computer. I am talking about Him selecting what I will wear for the day. I am talking about Him selecting what type of panties I wear. I am talking about Him setting my bedtime. I am talking about Him limiting what I spend out of our account. I am talking about informing Him of my daily plans. I am talking about informing Him when I broke a preset rule, rather deliberately or unintentionally. I am talking about submitting to His every sexual desire no matter what He wants without question. I am talking about doing whatever He ask, whenever He ask, however He ask, without arguing. I am talking about our relationship being 51% Him and 49% me. In other words, He is the Head of the House and I am His helpmate to keep that house. The power exchange took place and I have never been happier. It is like being newly weds again, because I have rediscovered what I almost destroyed in my quest to be me. You see, He never asked me not to be me, you know the me He married all those years ago. I am the one who became this unknown wife and person, that I didn’t even recognize my own self. I wasn’t too happy with my self and haven’t been for a long time, I just didn’t know how to find me. But through discipline I have found the me I lost, and it is good to be HOME.

Submission

What submission is not. It is not to be a doormat for the other person. It is not to be ignored or tossed aside. It is not to have my opinions and thoughts given to me by someone else. It is not my lack of power.

So, then what is submission. Submission to me is to recognize and accept His authority over me. It is to put His needs first. It is to ensure that there is peace in the home. It is to yield my power to him. It is an exchange of power. It is His control over our home and yes me. It is for me to accept His decisions as final. It is in my giving up control and power that I have gained control and have been empowered in ways I have only dreamed about.

I no longer have to fight for a place in our relationship. I have a place that was designed by God and in my submitting to the Head of our home my place is easy to find. I am His help mate. I am here to assist Him in making our home a safe, peaceful, loving, kind, stress free home. How? You see, I don't have to fight to be the Head anymore because I have relinquished that fight. I don't have to fight against the outside world anymore, because as the natural Head He is ready and more than capable of protecting me from the world. In my giving up the fight to stand in front and to accept my place by his side, He wraps His arms around me and pulls me close to his heart and keeps me safe in them. I am fully protected now. You see since I am no longer in front, when the world comes to knock me down, He can react quicker to my protection by gently pushing me behind Him, instead of having to come from behind me to step up beside me to then shoving me behind Him to protect me. I am not vulnerable by giving up power, but I am easily protected by letting Him have the power. I find in my submission peace and comfort in the role I was created to fulfill.

You have to be a strong person to begin with to give up the power I am talking about. My Dom doesn't want me to be a Stepford Wife. No, He wants me to be me, just with the understanding I am not in charge. If I had an inferiority complex, this would not work for Him. Why? Because, there would be no exchange of power. I would just roll over and let Him walk all over me. That is not what He wants. He loves my tenacity, my drive, my will power, my strenth, my fight, my thought processess, my ability to out think the current situation, my multi-tasking, my stubborness, all that makes my personality what it is and who I am, He loves. What He didn't love is when I would turn the skills and abilities on and against Him. That is what my submission to Him prevents. My submission reminds me that those things He loves about me are never to be used as a tool/weapon toward and especially against Him. I am to use myself to make our we a better us. I am to use myself to help Him be all that He can be and in return that helps His home to be all that it can be. It is a circle that should never be broken by failing to recognize and understand our respective roles. Things, home/life/marriage/careers/church all go a lot smoother when we opporate within our respective roles as we feel designed by God, and that role for me is as His submissive.